GoneGAN

I made a thing but don’t want to talk about it yet.

Somethingsomething

for the life of me i can’t see any reason for a person to specialize. it forces bad habits. it creates problems where one can only see or think or hear the world through the sphere of their specialization.

for my part, i see all things as systems. in art, the minute something gets established the “system” is created and everything from thereon out is given “the treatment”. for this reason neural style generators are perfect tools. after 5 landscapes by van Gogh everyone pretty much has a good idea about the 6th, 7th and 500th. Same for Monet, Pollock, etc. etc. etc. on down to me and you.

the machine is good for repeating a system. man, for better or worse, is not because it makes us boring when we do.

Filming

i filmed a music video today. the video is uploading as we speak. i also did this:

ebay starbucks straws auction





i hate vapid, meaningless corporate gestures. everything is akin to the useless celebrity apology for “misspeaking”.

Burden of Nonsense

somewhere in the darkness between last night and tonight a vision came before me. it was about people and their work–the type of work that ends when the person doing it ends.

this work, i’ve decided, is the person’s burden of nonsense.

it’s work that wouldn’t be done for any other reason than the person is driven to do it because of love, compulsion, insanity, etc. but it’s also work that tears them away from the normal mode of living through escapism–watching endless hours of tv or social media or whatever.

this work, however, can be a form of escapism but is different in that it provides escape for only one person - the worker - whereas tv provides escape for the millions who are currently watching a program.

it’s also work because it compels the person to continue at it in spite of wanting to do something else. this text, for instance, because i’d much rather be watching mindless reruns of the x-files than write this but, because of the idea and because of my compulsion to push on through with this “project” of mine here i sit writing away.

the above is the burden.

the nonsense is the futility of the results. the fact that the work won’t be finished even after the death of the worker - it merely stops. a hard break that forces the conclusions that might never have existed had the worker lived another month or year to finish that one aspect.

the worker never sees the results of their work either. they get partial glimpses but never the full scope. van gogh never saw his fame and yet he worked and struggles with his nonsense out of passionate belief.

summary

i can’t write about my art but i can write about my life.

i try and fail to define my practice, my life, my everything. goals and rules, for me, are things that get broken and ignored so why make a liar out of myself?

if i weren’t a failure i’m not sure what else i could be and i watch my work fail even more but hope that one day it won’t–that it will succeed in its vision of representing my life and soul.

it’s not fashionable nor friendly. i’m haunted by long periods of despair and silence and struggle with the idea that my work will live on after my death for reasons that escape me.

that it wasn’t all for nothing? maybe.

but to communicate to someone else that they’re not alone in their experiences. that someone has existed that felt similarly and to strengthen that bond with the living from beyond the grave–just as my body will serve to fuel millions of bacteria and future plants and life.

memory related

as i’ve sought to simplify life through computing and removal of unnecessary attachments to superfluous fads i’ve noticed an increasing number of articles hitting the auto-recommended stories on my phone related to memory, digital noise, etc.

first and foremost this is obviously due to my online behavior (searches about noise studies, memory, etc.) so the timing is to be ignored, however, their abundance is interesting and, more importantly, their complete ineffectiveness is profound.

most things are like this: Social Media May Fade Memories

great…

this is nothing new here. as a manic photographer i’ve heard a similar argument by non-psychotics - “you’ll never truly experience the moment because you’re too busy trying to capture it!” which, in my opinion, is straight up hippy nonsense. i’ll grant, however, that unless you’re mindful of your moments then you will forget them but that’s the key (regardless of photo, social, etc.) but i digress.

i find the photographic/recording process of time to be a memory aide that keeps the memory on a certain track of relative truthfulness. reviewing the photo or tape or whatever refreshes the feelings/experiences of the time and sets it back on the right moment that would otherwise be part of the error prone nature of recall without cues. once errors are introduced they also tend to compound and lead to further corruption of the memory.