Somethingsomething

for the life of me i can’t see any reason for a person to specialize. it forces bad habits. it creates problems where one can only see or think or hear the world through the sphere of their specialization.

for my part, i see all things as systems. in art, the minute something gets established the “system” is created and everything from thereon out is given “the treatment”. for this reason neural style generators are perfect tools. after 5 landscapes by van Gogh everyone pretty much has a good idea about the 6th, 7th and 500th. Same for Monet, Pollock, etc. etc. etc. on down to me and you.

the machine is good for repeating a system. man, for better or worse, is not because it makes us boring when we do.

Choices

choices should be seen in the negative. not what you are choosing but, rather, what you are refusing. refuse is always more interesting than the kept object. what was it? why was it tossed? who thought it was good in the first place?

through this you see the millions of choices that no longer exist. your future is now determined and a new set of choices predicated on the previous one exist in its place.

summary

i can’t write about my art but i can write about my life.

i try and fail to define my practice, my life, my everything. goals and rules, for me, are things that get broken and ignored so why make a liar out of myself?

if i weren’t a failure i’m not sure what else i could be and i watch my work fail even more but hope that one day it won’t–that it will succeed in its vision of representing my life and soul.

it’s not fashionable nor friendly. i’m haunted by long periods of despair and silence and struggle with the idea that my work will live on after my death for reasons that escape me.

that it wasn’t all for nothing? maybe.

but to communicate to someone else that they’re not alone in their experiences. that someone has existed that felt similarly and to strengthen that bond with the living from beyond the grave–just as my body will serve to fuel millions of bacteria and future plants and life.